Well I'm dumb and slept from like 5-9pm so I'm awake at 11:30pm. I spent the last hour catching up on emails and also did all my grading for DMACC. I create an announcement for each of the classes each Sunday or Monday to remind students what to read and complete for the week (even though they should be watching the class agenda on their syllabus). I have plenty to grade for ISU too but I'm not mentally prepared to dive into that tonight. I assigned a bunch of work to most ISU classes last week too so the online pile is growing and by the end of November I'll have a house filled with binders containing unit plans for three classes. Weeeeee!
Today we took time and carved pumpkins which went better than I predicted. I made two: I used the large white one I chose earlier in the month and carved 'Welcome' on it with a template. I thought it would work well with trick-or-treaters approaching the porch and it will also welcome people to the party. Two birds---one pumpkin. Dan carved a pumpkin with Mario on it for Jude---Jude helped by scooping out the guts and supervising Dan's carving skills. Taylor carved the Broncos design on his pumpkin (horse). Dan tried carving the word "Indians" onto his own pumpkin but in the middle of it, the designed caved in. It was too intricate and he was pretty disappointed. I made a one-eyed monster carving on our other little one. My one free-hand experiment without a template.
We recently found out that Dan will no longer need to work weekends soon. Technically this upcoming weekend (November 3) is his last scheduled weekend but he will work Monday-Friday after that point. He used to have some Tuesdays and some Fridays off but that pattern with change. He can still work on weekends if he chooses to pick-up shifts for people which can still happen but he needs to see if we have plans or if the boys are scheduled to be here. So speaking of having weekends off...
He and I had a significant fight today about cleaning and doing stuff around the house. I gave him the benefit of the doubt in the first months of living here and getting settled. I also cut him slack during the week because he has to commute and leave the house before 6:30AM. Unless I ask/tell him to do something (usually repeatedly) he doesn't do squat in the house. The only thing he was good about was mowing the yard in the summer. I warned him in the past week that we needed to clean all bathrooms very well, especially with the upcoming party. The floors really needed to be swept and mopped and everything needed to be wiped down. He assured me things would get done. Well we were busy yesterday so it was understandable not much happened around here yesterday. I slept in today (10am) and realized that Dan had been up for hours before I arose. I came downstairs and he had been drinking coffee, watching TV, and playing on his phone since 7am. So I was like, "well I'm up let's get to work". He looked a bit surprised and said something along the lines of needing time to relax and rest. Umm you've done that for hours dude, get up. I told him what I would be doing as we only had so much time to clean, feed the boys lunch, carve pumpkins, and be on the road at 3:45pm to take the boys back to Mariah. By the time he was doing anything I had two bathrooms done and had even run to the store to grab hamburger buns for lunch. He did end up cleaning the 2nd floor bathroom on his own, cooked lunch on the grill, and cleaned up his crap from the living room but the fact I have to nag him to do it is getting really old. He often tells me to just remind him or tell him what to do. I told him that if he needs someone to tell him to look at the pile of dishes to load into the dishwasher or to pick up random items from the living room that are out of place, that's pretty sad. I keep having flashbacks to the days we cleaned at his apartment in Newton. It was gross. I said something about understanding why his place was so bad in Newton and he honestly seemed surprised and said "It wasn't that bad". If he has somehow blocked out all the cleaning he had to do and how I had to spend a day there helping him in a rush so he was out in time ----that's scary.
I'm not making him do anything else for the party (other than the begging to clean the house so it's presentable). I am doing all food prep--buying the food--decorating and planning the activities. I have a lot to do before Saturday, especially with creating the games and activities. Both of the older boys were wanting to attend the party but the official decisions were made this weekend. Due to a choice Colton made this weekend, his invitation was revoked. Taylor is now allowed to come as he did have a decent weekend here. All week long he was asking Dan if he could do some yard work here and we have PLENTY of leaves to rake. When they got home Friday evening we still had a lot of daylight so Dan sent him to the backyard to start raking piles and do some bagging. He was inside within 10 minutes stating he didn't realize he'd have to do it by himself. Dan and I were trying get supper ready to go and do something things around the house. We sent Jude outside to hold the large yard bags so Taylor could put leaves in them---well they were stumped because they couldn't figure that out. We were like, you can pile them on the rake and dump them in or grab a bunch in your arms and put them in the bag. We'll they didn't want to touch the leaves and using a rake to dump them in was "impossible". It took them an hour to fill one bag. He then claimed it was getting too dark to work and came inside for the night. Well I decided to prove a point and went outside to work on the leaves and filled 10 bags on my own in an hour. When I was about done Taylor came out baffled that I was still working (kinda dark but doable) and had done it all on my own. Dan told me later that Taylor was really embarrassed that I cranked out that much work and was frustrated I took away his work for the next day. The work ethic with the kids is beyond frustrating. Even getting Jude to understand what it means to clean his room is trying at times. We understand why it's an uphill battle for us---the kids don't do this kind of work at their Mom's house. Both boys have made it clear they don't have to clean their rooms or pick up the house. Not to be snooty but that's probably why the house looks like hell.
As for Colton--well he made a dumbass move on Saturday. Dan and I took the boys fishing on Saturday morning and came back to Ames around 12pm. We were driving back to town and Colton called Taylor and asked to talk to Dan. He asked if he could come hang out at the house during the day if he arranged his own rides. He said his grandparents were fine with him coming up and he would ride back to Ankeny with his Grandpa after the ISU football game. We were surprised because he was in Ames really quick and before we were back to the house. We still needed to run to Fareway so I could get ingredients for making cupcakes and we needed garlic bread for lunch. He said he'd meet us at the grocery store and he did....an Uber had dropped him off. We were a little confused he used that taxi service but figured his grandparents may have told him to do so to at least get to Ames. I figured his Grandpa had come up really early for tailgating at the football game. He paid $30 for the trip up though which seemed ridiculous. I made a comment in the parking lot about the fact the football game was almost done but he said his grandpa said he could stay longer into the afternoon. Well about an hour at the house Dan gets a phone call from Colton's grandma who is livid because she had no idea Colton had gone to Ames. He was supposed to be a block away from their house and she had no idea he had hired an Uber. His Grandpa has also left Ames already as I was right in that the game had ended. We sat Colton down in the living room and Dan was pissed. We also found out from his Grandma that Colton has been doing this for awhile---he just leaves their house, is wasting money on Ubers, is sneaking out at night to go meet girls. Now mind you, he's 19 so he should want to be out and doing things but here are the issues:
a) he may be 19 but cognitively he doesn't function at that age--he's more like 14. Case and point--he had to use an Uber gift certificate because when he showed up in Ames on Saturday, he had forgotten his wallet. I didn't even know electronic gift certificates existed for Uber.
b) due to his legal history, he's not supposed to be gallivanting with girls because he's made poor decisions
c) he really shouldn't have money to go out and have fun with because he can't hold a job and doesn't have the motivation to work. Dan did a good job of hammering down the fact that he cannot come back here until he's working and we expect it to be more than 20 hours a week or even full time. Colton claims that nowhere is hiring in Ankeny--which is bullshit because places are already hiring for holiday work. I suggested Mill's Farm Fleet---they pay well and he could easily get full time work. He just doesn't like the fact that a normal person works a consistent schedule. In the past he's worked less than 12 hours a week and complained it was too tiring. Try one of my 70 hour work weeks buddy.
Well another consequence was that he is not invited to the Halloween Party anymore. He didn't understand why he needed that consequence. He thought us being mad was punishment enough. The fact he was back online later that day to play video games shows us his grandparents were likely pissed but don't punish him. I'm sure we'll be the bad guys because of his invitation revocation. Taylor also made a comment about not attending anymore either because he'd rather see his girlfriend that weekend in Des Moines. (Fine with me!) We are doubtful his Mom will go for it though because she would have to taxi him to see the gf and she dropped way too much $$$ on his Halloween costume. I doubt she'll just let him skip the event she bought it for. We also got confirmation that she's dating again so I'm sure if there are planned weekends for the boys to be here, she likely has dates or plans set up. Taylor made a comment that she's brought two different boyfriends to the house this fall but after she shows them the house and introduces them to the boys, they break-up with her immediately. Interesting eh?
We had a car accident occur in front of our house on Saturday (car on fire and everything) and Taylor and I sat down to watch it all. We had a good conversation. He said in the past he got so mad at Dan's house in Newton (in the last year) and gets upset with our current house in Ames because we are strict and don't back down. He also said it's improved his respect for Dan though and basically called his Mom a pushover. He also said his Mom is upset because Dan and I never have anything bad happen to us and all the bad stuff happens to her. I guess she doesn't remember us telling her about our leaking roof this summer. If she did more preventative things with her house, I think it would hold up better and be more comfortable for her and the boys. Her basement flooded badly more than once this summer and I guess she got the water out but just told the boys to keep the door shut and they'll not use the basement anymore. I guess it reeks and is likely molding if I had to guess. Dan said she's going to get an awful surprise because the water heater, furnace, and other key things are in the basement. If the basement is that bad and the furnace ever needs to be fixed, I could see a company not willing to go into the area or it's going to ruin her set-up. The central air is already broken and been broken for almost 4 years. She also says that Dan is going to have a good life now because he's marrying into money and it's not fair because she can't make him spend the money on the boys. She also realizes she can't get adjust child support anymore because it would likely go down in price for Dan because I think she actually makes more money than him now. I think in the past he would spend extra money on the boys (e.g. buy clothes, send extra food to the house, etc.) and forget what he did for her. I actually keep track of the extra money he sends so she can't complain anymore that he doesn't help with some of the extras. She tried it once and I shared the details of how much extra he gave her that month based on clothes we bought Jude, etc. I guess something was rejected with her school loans recently too and she actually has to pay a large sum each month now and had them in forbearance for awhile. After talking with Taylor, it's apparent he now recognizes the financial bind his mother is in and his remaining medical bills from treatment aren't helping that. His mouth is still a mess too--he likely needs teeth pulled and still has over 20 cavities. If you bring it up to Mariah she says she doesn't have the time or money to deal with it. Oddly enough his mouth doesn't hurt--yet. I have a feeling there will be a day when a tooth gets really angry and she's going to get an emergency dental bill to add to her debt. Dan doesn't know if their dentist in Newton will even accept her or the kids as patients either because there is still a balance due. Dan paid off Jude's balance a couple years ago but wasn't going to pay for her or Taylor.
Things to look forward to this week:
- Trick-or-treating on Wednesday! Gavin is likely coming over to help and my co-worker Kathy may come over too.
- I have my last art class tomorrow night. I made some cool things with acrylic paint but I'm not sharing much else as some things may be Christmas presents.
- Grateful that Alissa is coming later this week and I will definitely need help to prepare for the party
- ISU Women's basketball starts on Thursday night too!
Today's blog entry felt like word vomit but it helped me get a lot off my chest about the step-child situation. Thankfully Dan let's me choose my battles. Jude always comes to the house when he's supposed to but I can veto when Taylor and Colton come over. Colton will not be back in our house this year. Taylor has to keep earning it so it's a weekend-by-weekend decision each time he asks to come over. I'm waiting for the weekend when I change my mind mid-weekend and Taylor has to go back early. We've made it clear if he's being that awful, Mariah will come and get him. She's always said that will be fine but if it ever occurs I can see her pitching a fit. That woman does not like to drive far from Newton.
Novel complete!
